Hey all, fun week we’ve had with the NHL and NBA FINALLY into their championship series. It is only June after all…
Other things happened this week as well that need to be touched on, and one big thing needs to be addressed.
– This should be the flyer Milwaukee Brewers GM Doug Melvin should be sending out to teams when fielding calls when be begins the process of rebuilding the Brewers, because we pretty much know this is coming:
Keep in mind the rebuilding really will start with the AA Biloxi Shuckers team and lower. If you want them to be somewhat competitive in the next 2-3 years until this group is Major League ready, here’s what he should write.
Wanted: Baseball Players
We are actively looking for people willing to play baseball for a 4-month contract with the possibility of an extension into 2016 and/or beyond. Candidates must possess a lukewarm attitude and a willingness to relocate to the Milwaukee area for the next 4 months, and if they are extended – to Arizona for 2 months each season. Qualifications include:
Hitting – we are looking for the following when it comes to hitting a baseball
- Candidates must be able to hit a baseball from 60’ 6” quickly as the baseball will be coming at you at a high rate of speed.
- Upon hitting the baseball, the candidate must be able to show the ability to put the baseball in play (meaning between the foul lines) and not have the defense make a play on the baseball.
- On occasion, hit the ball into the gap or even out of the park.
- Hit the baseball at multiple speeds
- Hit the baseball at different levels when it approaches you
- Not required, but desired: be able to hit the baseball in all situations – whether the game is 0-0, 2-1, or 8-1.
- Understand scouting reports and tendencies of the pitchers so they know what to look for when they hit
Base Running – we are looking for the following when it comes to base running
- Run – sometimes up to 360 feet
- Show the ability to help the team score a run
- Steal an occasional base from the pitcher and catcher. This includes understanding pitching tendencies so they can get the best possible jump to advance their positions.
- Understands signs from your coaches
- Aggressive when understanding situations. Key is understanding!!!
Defense – This is such an undervalued position on the diamond and not enough players take pride in playing defense. We expect you to. Below is what we’re looking for when playing defense
- Catch the ball
- Throw the ball
- Fundamentals – I want to see the button on the cap when fielding a ground ball
- Take proper angles to get to the baseball quickly
- Minimal errors
- Play multiple positions (desired)
- Count up to 3 outs (highly desired)
Pitching – this is a highly visible and important position. What we’re looking for is people who can handle high pressure situations and are not afraid of being the focal point of each play every inning.
This is what we’re looking for in pitching:
- Throw the baseball 60’ 6” at a high rate of speed where they can get hitters out just by throwing the ball.
- Minimum speed of the fastball pitch should be 85 mph…and the only exception would be a knuckle ball pitcher.
- Candidates must be able to mix up the speeds though to confuse the hitter.
- Other pitches include the ability to make the baseball move in different directions. Pitches like this include: curve ball, slider, change up, split-finger fastball. Any of these options are desired.
- Pitchers must understand the count
- Pitchers must understand the situations they are in so they can learn how to pitch to the hitters
- Pitchers must also be able to prepare and understand scouting reports of how to pitch every hitter, every time they are on the mound.
If you can handle all of this, we are looking for you.
Performance will be monitored by the following objectives:
Hitting, Defense and Base Running
- Score more runs, meaning crossing home plate than our opponent.
- Hit the ball more than our opponent
- Not commit base running errors
- Simple base running – advance when necessary.
- Pick spots when to be aggressive, meaning if the ball is already coming from the outfield to the infield – do not try to be cute and advance to the next base.
- Understand situations – when to bunt the baseball, the need for base runners when behind in a game, and more.
- Pitching not allowing more runs than we score
- Not walk over 3 hitters per outing
- Allowing over 5 runs per start (if you’re starting)
- Field your position to help the infield out
- Ball-to-strike ratio at 70% or better
Raises and employment will depend on passing at least 85% of these metrics based on position. If not, we reserve the right to trade or release you.
We are interviewing for any and all positions for the remainder of the 2015 season and beyond.
We offer a ridiculous compensation package including an over-inflated salary, all of your medical / dental / vision issues taken care of at 100%. Free airfare, 5-star hotel accommodations and luxury meals will also be included in the offer.
Training will be provided in the form of reading “Baseball for Dummies” which can be found at your local library or on Amazon. Two weeks of reading and examinations will be completed in order to be allowed to relocate to Milwaukee.
If interested please send resume and references to:
Milwaukee Brewers Baseball Club
1 Miller Park Way
Milwaukee, WI 53204
– Of course, I’m being fairly facetious, but I thought this would at least bring a chuckle to you when reading. Yes, I know the Brewers are beat up this season, but even when they were healthy, the team was just hard to watch the majority of this season. And I’ll gladly eat crow this and next year if they make a miraculous comeback. I just don’t see it and I really hope I’m wrong. Take up the Bucks motto… “Own the Future”
– Speaking of the Bucks, the Arena deal is a good one and we won’t pay as much in taxes as you think…most of the taxes may be in form of a loan with the NBA. Nevertheless, this new arena needs to be up in time for the 2017-18 season meaning this needs to pass and quick.
– Former FIFA President Sepp Blatter resigning once they found out some of the buyouts were tied to him. Did you really not think all of that corruption in your world would come back to bite you??
– If you aren’t watching the NCAA Baseball Tournament – you should be. Great games and this leads into the most underrated sporting event of the year – the College World Series.
– San Francisco 49ers OT Anthony Davis retires at 25? I’d say he’s taking a break, but still this one is as shocking as when Chris Borland retired. Either these young players (and several others under the age of 30) are taking this health and concussion issue very seriously and feel the NFL isn’t doing enough with their protocols.
Or with the list of retirees, 4 49ers have retired in the off-season and there’s something seriously wrong going on in San Francisco. Justin Smith, Patrick Willis, Chris Borland, Anthony Davis – all retired? This reeks of a 5-11 team this year.
– Now Cleveland Cavaliers G Kyrie Irving is out of the NBA Finals with a broken kneecap? Ouch…The Curse of Cleveland lives!! If the Cavaliers even get more than one game in the NBA Finals from the Golden State Warriors, that would be surprising. I’ll now say Warriors in 5.
Not bad for first-year coach Steve Kerr, hey?
– NHL Stanley Cup Finals – with the Chicago Blackhawks stealing Game 1 the way they did, I am not sure if Tampa Bay will recover in time to take the series. I think Chicago will go up 3-0 before Tampa Bay fights back. I’ll still say Chicago in 6 games. I’m cheering for Tampa Bay though due to the Green Bay Gamblers connection with Lightning Coach Jon Cooper.
– Dumbass of the week nominations:
- Sepp Blatter
- Prince Shembo
Sepp is a strong option, but Shembo is a stronger option…this clown has been charged with killing his former girlfriends’ dog. The police report mentions blunt force trauma which means Shembo beat the dog to death. What a ******** moron – and good on the Atlanta Falcons for promptly releasing the troubled linebacker.
This isn’t the first go round with authorities. When at Notre Dame in 2010, Shembo had been accused of sexually assaulting a woman at the sister St. Mary’s School. He was never charged as the woman committed suicide two weeks later.
2 strikes in your career – and you get this weeks’ “Dumbass of the Week”. Should there be a trophy? Nope, but there should be a swift hit in your face…with a chair.
– That’s it for me this week. Enjoy summer to its fullest!!